motivation

am trying to change my mindset
am trying to make myself happy
am trying to try to try

still couldn't find the motivation to move on. been trying to think more positively however all didn't work. before i close my eyes to rest for the day, i tell myself that i must be hyper and excited the next morning.

soon it's sunny morning, i still don't bear to leave my bed (altot it's uncomfortable). my eyes still shut, i will roll on the bed for at least 1/2 hour before leaving it to walk into the cold toilet. still doesn't have any happy mood to go to work. only wish to run away and hide. brush my teeth, pick my clothes and wear my shoe **everything in slow motion Step into train cabin that look similar to canned sardine.

reached office and on my computer. read through emails, sip on Milo, planning what to do for the day. still my mind feels like shutting down immediately. just want to go on a long break. how good would it be if i could find a job which allows me to travel at the same time. air stewardess? too hard to squeeze my butt in. pilot? too many things to study and stressful life. many many more but what do i want. so tire of asking myself this questions.

embalmer? altot wish too but i couldn't find the courage to stay in a cold eerie dark metal space with another person. maybe wait till i'm old enough to resist again the other side of .... god knows what it is.

ahhh i must stop grumbling and start working! YES i believe in myself!!!